Includes 15 cartoon illustrations. This highly humorous account of two self-confessed “short, fat, bald, middle-aged, inland Americans” who decide to join the war effort all the way from Wichita having left their jobs as journalists. As they go to New York to start their sea journey eastward, they start to find out that their life is going to be much more arduous than they initially thought... “In our pockets we hold commissions from the American Red Cross. These commissions are sending us to Europe as inspectors with a view to publicity later, one to speak for the Red Cross, the other to write for it in America. We have been told by the Red Cross authorities in Washington that we shall go immediately to the front in France and that it will be necessary to have the protective colouring of some kind of an army uniform. The curtain rises on a store in 43rd Street in New York-perhaps the “Palace” or the “Hub” or the “Model” or the “Army and Navy,” where a young man is trying to sell us a khaki coat, and shirt and trousers for $17.48. And at that it seems a lot of money to pay for a rig which can be worn at most only two months. But we compromise by making him throw in another shirt and a service hat and we take the lot for $17.93 and go away holding in low esteem the “pride, pomp and circumstance of glorious war” as exemplified by these military duds. In our hearts as we go off at R. U. E. will be seen a hatred for uniforms as such, and particularly for phoney uniforms that mean nothing and cost $18.00 in particular.”