Muddy Waters is an auto-biography of my experience of twelve years spent with a home-grown New Zealand cult who established themselves in North Canterbury first in a Christchurch suburb and then relocating to a farm in Waipara. I joined immediately following a spiritual awakening when I engaged Air Force friends who were already in the cult without knowing its true nature. Other Air Force personnel did similar. I share this journey beginning with my background prior to my entry into the group. I explain my journey while in this particular cult from an insider’s point of view which has not been shared before in a way that outsiders can comprehend. The group went through a number of transitions hinging around them understanding their leader to be Messiah. I share some of the life lived, the style of worship, the rationales around them justifying at times, large scale theft and also petty theft with an accompanying idea it was ok to lie to outsiders. We achieved notoriety after sizeable NZ police raids in 1977 and subsequent raids assisted by members of the defence force on households around New Zealand located near RNZAF bases after the discovery of a large cache of firearms and explosives. The group was again raided in 1987 on similar grounds and other firearms confiscated. My journey was one of a growing self-awareness and a distinct development of conscience as I met and worked through each of the challenges I engaged on exiting. Prior to leaving my experience was marked with conflict and confrontation with the leadership which grew around the illusions presenting him as the secret Messiah. Anecdotes include their lifestyle; the routines; the rituals and their exorcisms; I was excommunicated following a direct doctrinal challenge I made to the leader and from which he then manipulated the group by playing victim in telling the followers I wanted to see him dead. This caused a severe and vitriolic reaction ensuring I could in no way return even if I wished to. I was shunned. It has taken me 30 years before I got to the point of being able to write my story. Today I am a retired Presbyterian minister in New Zealand and have recently retired after 25 years of pastoral ministry ranging from rural work to suburban and inner city work.