Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy

Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
Total Pages: 130
Release: 2010-09
Genre: Poetry
ISBN: 9781936383153

Bizarro humorist Bradley Sands returns with one of the strangest, most hilarious collections of the year.In Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy, the pope gets sued, a headless man falls in love with a bowl of rice, and architects dismantle the earth. A war breaks out over greeting cards. A suicidal amputee tries to kill himself. William S. Burroughs becomes an amateur archaeologist and Tao Lin drinks an ape-flavored smoothie.Between a breakfast of clocks, a lunch date with Adolf Hitler, and breakdancing in outer space, anything is possible in the work of Bradley Sands. Just never wear a bear costume to an orgy.

Dodgeball High

Dodgeball High
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
Total Pages: 188
Release: 2014-10-01
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 9781621051619

On the dodgeball court, no one can hear you scream. Justin Lucas just started at a new high school, but there are no classes in really important stuff like English literature, mathematics, science, or history. Instead, the entire curriculum is dedicated to playing Dodgeball. Justin is...perplexed. Where are the pencils and textbooks? Why are there so many explosives strapped to the balls? And what's up with the barbed wire? Does the school administration really think it's appropriate to wrap the balls in barbed wire? Dodgeball High does not seem like a safe environment for a young man. But his classmates don't care. They kinda remind him of junior Mafia Dons, little serial killers, and pint-sized dictators from third world countries. And they are all really good at Dodgeball (and the shedding of their classmates' blood), while Justin totally sucks. And to make matters worse, Justin's parents are like...total dicks. They won't let him go to a different school because they think he's full of crap about this "Dodgeball nonsense." Not to mention that Dodie Manson, the greatest player in the school, has a gigantic crush on Justin. And whoever Dodie wants, Dodie gets, and her BFs have a habit of experiencing intense pleasure prior to their "mysterious" decapitations. Does Justin have what it takes to survive and make it to the top of his class before graduation? Or will he be eliminated permanently? Read "Dodgeball High" to find out, but watch out for the ball that's coming at your head!

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You

Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
Total Pages: 0
Release: 2011-02
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 9781936383474

What the crap is Arnold Schwarzenegger doing on the cover of Rico Slade's book? This is Rico Slade's goddamn book. Rico Slade is not a body builder, an actor, or a governor. Rico Slade is an action hero. Rico Slade doesn't care about the political climate. Rico Slade has an advance degree in badassery. Rico Slade's favorite food is the honey-roasted peanut. Rico Slade can rip out a throat with his bare hands. But Rico Slade's arch nemesis, Baron Mayhem, is threatening to drop a bomb on the Earth that will kill every human being except himself while leaving the world's currency intact. To save the planet, Rico Slade must journey across Hollywood to find Baron Mayhem. Unfortunately, Rico Slade's crime fighting style involves ripping out the throat of anyone who gets in his way, including grandmothers and Midwestern tourists. As Rico Slade leaves Hollywood in ruins, the only person who can stop him from destroying the city is his Jewish psychologist, Harold Schwartzman. Until he does, Rico Slade will kill as many people as it takes to thwart Baron Mayhem's evil scheme. Rico Slade will fucking kill everyone. RICO SLADE WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.

Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face

Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
Total Pages: 224
Release: 2011-10-01
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 9781621050100

A tour-de-force. A harrowing comic masterpiece. A timely novel that transcends the times. An instant American classic. This is what critics are not saying about Bradley Sands' latest magnum opus, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel. A novel in three parts, Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel is the story of one boy detective, the worst ninja in the world, and the great American fast food wars. It is a novel of loss, destruction, and-incredibly-genuine hope. Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel contains three classic Bradley Sands novellas: Frankie Nougat and the Missing Heart, Cheesequake Smash-Up, and Apocalypse Ninja.

A Ruin of Roses

A Ruin of Roses
Author: K. F. Breene
Publisher:
Total Pages: 386
Release: 2021-10-10
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 9781955757096

I could save him, but he would ruin me. The beast. The creature who stalks the forbidden wood. The dragon prince.He has suffered a fate worse than death. We all have. A curse put upon us by the mad king.We are a kingdom locked in time. Shifters unable to feel our animals. Stuck here by a deal between the late king and a demon who seeks our destruction. The only one keeping this kingdom alive is Nyfain, the golden prince to a stolen throne. The last dragon shifter. He's our hope. He's my nightmare. When he catches me trespassing in the forbidden wood, he doesn't punish me with death, as he's entitled. He takes me, instead. Forces me back to the castle as his prisoner. Seeks to use me. Apparently I can save him. I can save the whole forgotten kingdom, locked away by the demon king's power. But it would mean taming the monster beneath his skin. It would mean giving myself to him. It would mean my ruin._ _ _ _ _ _This is a dark and sexy Beauty and the Beast retelling featuring a strong heroine, a dangerous anti-hero, and a humorous supporting cast.

It Came from Below the Belt

It Came from Below the Belt
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
Total Pages: 208
Release: 2006-02
Genre: Fiction
ISBN:

IT CAME FROM BELOW THE BELT, BY BRADLEY SANDS Meet Grover Goldstein: Twenty-First Century rascal, trainee provocateur, boy next door who won't stop snickering at you from behind the lawn gnome. Swallowed by a giraffe and regurgitated oodles of years into the future, Grover must satisfy his urge to go home-even if it means going back to high school and helping his severed, and sentient, penis win the presidential election. Come along to Assumption High as Grover tries to answer the age-old question, What if I had forgotten then what I don't know now? Absurdism at its finest, and part of the new and expanding Bizarro genre, this highly-anticipated first novel is by the editor of the zine Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens.

Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Author: Cameron Pierce
Publisher:
Total Pages: 0
Release: 2011-10
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 9781936383979

On the seventh day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, "Read me, for I am good." In Amazing Stories, the Flying Spaghetti Monster goes on trial to earn his godhood among a council of deities that includes Jehovah, the Buddha, Ganesh, Cthulhu, and Charlie Sheen. He is interviewed for an exclusive episode of the celebrity talk show In the Monster's Studio to discuss his relationship with Godzilla and other famous monsters. He rears his head at an archeological dig in a desert wasteland and dines with a horde of food demons in Hell. He rescues pirates, authors, and prisoners from the cold hand of death while banishing children to suffering and starvation. He is a just god, but only if you compliment his vodka sauce. Like an all-spaghetti evening of Adult Swim, Amazing Stories of the Flying Spaghetti Monster will show you the many realms of His Noodly Appendage. Learn of those who worship him and the lives he touches in distant, mysterious ways. Enjoy with Italian food and a side of Darwinism.

Dirty Rocker Boys

Dirty Rocker Boys
Author: Bobbie Brown
Publisher: Gallery Books
Total Pages: 0
Release: 2014-09-16
Genre: Biography & Autobiography
ISBN: 9781476734729

An uncensored Hollywood tell-all filled with explicit tales of love, sex, and revenge from the video vixen made famous by Warrant’s rock anthem “Cherry Pie.” Who could forget the sexy “Cherry Pie” girl from hair metal band Warrant’s infamous music video? Bobbie Brown became a bona fide vixen for her playful role as the object of lead singer Jani Lane’s desires. But the wide-eyed Louisiana beauty queen’s own dreams of making it big in Los Angeles were about to be derailed by her rock-and-roll lifestyle. After her tumultuous marriage to Jani imploded, and her engagement to fast-living Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee ended in a drug haze—followed by his marriage later to Pamela Anderson—Bobbie decided it was time Hollywood’s hottest bachelors got a taste of their own medicine. Step one: get high. Step two: get even. In a captivating, completely uncensored confessional, Bobbie explicitly recounts a life among some of the most famous men in Hollywood: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kevin Costner, Mark McGrath, Dave Navarro, Sebastian Bach, Ashley Hamilton, Rob Pilatus of Milli Vanilli, Matthew and Gunnar Nelson, Orgy’s Jay Gordon, and many more. No man was off limits as the fun-loving bombshell spiraled into excess, anger, and addiction. Bobbie survived the party—barely—and her riveting, cautionary comeback tale is filled with the wildest stories of sex, drugs, and rock and roll ever told.

Liquid Status

Liquid Status
Author: Bradley Sands
Publisher:
Total Pages:
Release: 2017-02-18
Genre:
ISBN: 9781946335050

When grandmother dies and the front door disappears, one family will have to explore the inner dimensions of their house, themselves, and each other in order to find a way out. Bradley Sands' novelette reimagines the idea that a house becomes a home, and instead asks what happens when a family becomes a house. Liquid Status is family drama reimagined as a surreal, existential nightmare.