I met this lady at the bar last night and she was fffffine. I had just won a Pickle card sos I was feelin pretty good, sos I walk up to the woman and I tell her Ill take her out and Ill get us some steaks and some cigarettes, if shes a willin. Sos, thats what we do. Next thing you know were makin love on the beach- I mean rrrreally goin at it. And then all these Boy Scouts come along, and they start cheerin us on- I mean a hoopin and a hollerin! It was out of sight, man! But then suddenly, next thing you know, its over, right, and the woman, she done tells me shes only 16! Dan Gleason was born to live for a thousand years. He is guardian of the door, ruler of the triple universe, and lord of the mountain with blazing golden peaks that outshine the light of the sun. Dan Gleasons anger takes the form of a mighty, four-headed lion- he is slayer of the three-eyed buffalo demon and has ridden the horse swift as thought and the great king of serpents. His phallus is a dangerous weapon. All men have Dan Gleason as their soul. He bears the mark of the lotus and drinks sacred ambrosia. To put it plainly Dan Gleason is the shit.