Psychiatrist Woody Wood, Americas love guru and renowned phobia specialist, persuaded his fiance to wait until their wedding night to consummate their relationship, because unbeknownst to her and the millions who read his syndicated sexual advice column, Woody is still a virgin due to a debilitating performance anxiety. Further complicating matters is the sudden arrival of Woodys 72-year-old- mother, Happy, and her one-legged psychopathic boyfriend who escaped from a locked mental ward and appeared at Woodys doorstep just in time to brew a potpourri of unimaginable trouble for the two love birds. Happys never-ending supply of laxatives, scathing truths, and a mysterious red shoebox wreak havoc on Rudd Waters, the fetching former beauty queen and fiance of Woody, and Woodys three-legged incontinent and neurotic dog, Di. Woodys two million dollar mansion, not big enough for the four of them, becomes even smaller with the addition of Lucky, Happys slutty daughter, Luckys do-nothing husband, Jeep, and Ben, Luckys rotund lawyer friend and married lover. Julian, a promiscuous chef, and Christian, a conflicted and closeted heart surgeon and former lover of Rudd, round out this crazy mix. Told from the point of view of thirteen characters, 911 is a dark comedy based on real people and an incredible chain of real events that ultimately threaten not only Woodys sanity, but his life! Happy, Jewish American Princess and marionette mistress extraordinaire, possesses the uncanny ability to control the destiny of misfits, embroiled in a Gordian knot, in the end unveiling unexpected acumen and cunning talent.