ROMANSWERS – Practical answers to common questions troubling relationships, romance, and marriage. by Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. In a fast changing, increasingly complex world, committed caring relationships seem harder to maintain than ever before, yet the desire for these unions remains strong, whether in dating, cohabitation, significant partnerships, or marriage. Although about half of marriages end in divorce, more than half divorced people elect to remarry. From answering questions about relationships over the internet for a year and a half (for Cox Interactive Media/Austin 360), certain abiding concerns kept recurring. Not only did people want answers; they also wanted instruction about the nature of certain problems built into the nature of chosen caring relationships, problems that in many cases won’t go away. In response to this desire for help in managing these basic problems, ROMANSWERS was written. Each of the twenty-seven sections in the book is built around a topic of concern that is subjected to four questions, the answers to which provide understandings many people seek. A list of all the sections and questions that are answered follow. ABUSE § “When I give everything to a man, and do everything he wants, why do I end up getting pushed around, demeaned, and cheated on?” § “When my boyfriend loses his temper, cuts me down in anger, later says he’s sorry and didn’t mean what he said, should I accept his apologies when he keeps doing it again?” § “Why does a man from a loving, healthy, and giving family background keep getting into relationships with women who turn out to be exploitive, even turning abusive when they don’t get their way?” § “After two abusive wives, is it just a matter of time before I get over my hurt and general anger at women?” AFFAIRS § “To regain my trust, should my husband be completely honest and describe the sexual details of his affair so we can get through this unhappiness and start moving on?” § “Is it the wife’s fault when her husband has an affair, and how does the couple recover the marriage?” § “How am I ever going to get beyond superficial relationships with women after my fiancée, whom I love more than ever, broke off our engagement by having an affair?" § “When your wife comes back from a high school reunion having had a fling (not sexual) with an old flame, what needs to happen to make the marriage okay?” ATTRACTION § “Why would a stunning, dynamic, confident, and high salaried woman put off the kind of men she wants to meet, and attract the kind she doesn’t?” § “Although I would never cheat on someone I was involved with and still care about, do you think it’s okay to date her best friend now that I’ve broken up with my ex?” § “When the woman I’m ready to marry says she wants a man who can offer her everything from A to Z, and some un-definable Z is lacking in me, what is missing in my attractiveness to her?” § “What should I do about a man I first met on the internet who, without asking me, is now planning a future for us, a guy it turns out I don’t really know, who doesn’t really know me?” BREAKING UP § “Since my girlfriend has broken up with me and I don’t know why, is it worthwhile my finding out, or is it better to avoid further hurt and just let the relationship go?” § “How do you break up without causing the other person a lot pain, and then go from being romantic to just being good friends?” § “Why is breaking up so hard to do, and why would a man act so angry when he is really feeling hurt?” § “How do I recover my self-respect and remove a man from my life who convinced me I was crazy to doubt his word when he kept lying to me, and who won’t let me go now that I’ve broken off with him?” CHANGE § “Is it okay, once a couple becomes married, to change and take each other for granted, not acting romantic anymore?” § “Is my boyfriend going to continue his disg