To The Rude Guy In Apartment Five
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Author | : J. S. Cooper |
Publisher | : J.S. Cooper |
Total Pages | : 205 |
Release | : 2021-01-01 |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : |
To The Rude Guy in Apartment Five, I’m glad you’re happy to have moved into a new apartment, but no: I do not want to have a beer with you. I do not want to have a nude sleepover. I do not want to make you breakfast, lunch or dinner, no matter how many lap dances you promise to give me. I do not need you to serenade me through the walls at 1am. And no, I have no interest in letting you take me on a date. Sincerely, Magnolia Allen P.S. And no, I do not want to know how many accents you can growl in during intimate moments. How is that even a thing? P. P. S. Also, you will never find me standing naked in your living room ever again, so please stop leaving lingerie packages on my welcome mat.
Author | : Toni Schlesinger |
Publisher | : Chronicle Books |
Total Pages | : 337 |
Release | : 2012-04-17 |
Genre | : Architecture |
ISBN | : 156898670X |
A flop house, a pumping station, a maid's room, a homeless center, a former brothel, a Richard Meier building, a circus trailer, a sail boat, a skyscraper, buildings named Esther and Loraine—just a few of the places New Yorkers call home. For the past eight years writer Toni Schlesinger has been bringing us these "conversation places" in her weekly column in the Village Voice. Through her incisive questioning, original writing, and comic parallel reveries, Schlesinger creates miniature documentaries on the lives, passions, hopes, and heartbreaks of many of New York City's millions
Author | : J. S. Cooper |
Publisher | : J.S. Cooper |
Total Pages | : 220 |
Release | : 2021-01-01 |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : |
To Mr. Tate Howard, You are quite possibly the most infuriating, annoying and grumpy man I’ve ever met in my life. I know you think that you’re God’s gift to women, but I have a secret to let you in on: you’re not. You’re God’s gift to yourself. Get over your wanna-be cool surfer self and grow up. I thought it was time that someone addressed your big head and told you straight to your face that you're not all that. Just because you have an Ivy league education doesn’t mean you’re the smartest man in the world. In fact, I’m not even sure if you would have gotten in if you didn’t have rich parents. Yes, I went there. Every woman doesn’t want to sleep with you and I’m sure you’re not even good in bed. And I’m someone that would know. From, Your Secret Not Admirer
Author | : J. S. Cooper |
Publisher | : J.S. Cooper |
Total Pages | : 177 |
Release | : 2021-01-01 |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : |
To My Brother’s Cocky Best Friend, Tyler Redwood, you might be my brother’s best friend, but I find you to be insufferable, cocky, arrogant, immature, and totally annoying. You are not God’s gift to women and certainly not a gift to me. No, I don’t need you to wrap yourself in a bow. And even if you did, I would not be unwrapping it. I have no interest in seeing or touching your six pack and no, I don’t need you to teach me the hidden lessons of the Kama Sutra. Go and find another woman to bother and flirt with. I am not interested at all. Not even a little bit. Olivia Olivia, I have seven words for you. That’s not what you said last night. Tyler
Author | : J. S. Cooper |
Publisher | : J.S. Cooper |
Total Pages | : 265 |
Release | : 2021-01-01 |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : |
To Marco (No, I’m not going to add Polo), Last night was a mistake. A big mistake. Or should I say small? I don’t want to hurt your ego. I should have listened to your sister. You’re insufferable and rude and far too cocky. Don’t worry. I won’t be telling anyone what happened because as far as I’m concerned it never did. Please stop calling me. I do not need to come and collect my bra from you. Or the t-shirt you lent me to sleep in when I got cold. And no, that one act doesn’t make you a gentleman. Far from it. Also, I do not need to have your smell near me to fall asleep. In fact, your shirt does the opposite. It gives me nightmares. Millie P.S. No, I do not want a repeat of last night at my office. I don’t care if that’s your fantasy or not. Stop texting me your fantasies, by the way. P.P.S. The texts I sent you this morning were drunk texts. I was still hungover. Do not construe them as anything else. P.P.P.S. Could you have given me any more love bites? There was no need to “mark your territory” because I am not yours!
Author | : Anne Stuart |
Publisher | : MIRA |
Total Pages | : 409 |
Release | : 2010-08-01 |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : 1426864019 |
Few outsiders will ever witness the dark misdeeds of the Heavenly Host. And among this secret society, where exiled Georgian aristocrats gather to indulge their carnal desires, fewer still can match the insatiable appetite of their chief provocateur, the mysterious Viscount Rohan. Pursuit of physical pleasure is both his preferred pastime and his most pressing urge, until he encounters the fascination of a woman who won't be swayed. And while his dark seduction appalls the pure and impoverished Elinor Harriman, she finds herself intrigued…and secretly drawn to the man behind the desire.
Author | : J. S. Cooper |
Publisher | : J.S. Cooper |
Total Pages | : 259 |
Release | : |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : |
“Go on a date,” she said. “You’ll love it,” she said. She was wrong! It had been one year, two months and seventeen days since my last date. So my best friend Abby decided to sign me up for a dating app. She guaranteed that she could get me the best date of my life within one week. I didn’t really want to do it, but I figured what did I have to lose? Turns out that I had: 1. $500 2. My dignity 3. My patience and 4. My innocence to lose OK, so I didn’t really have my innocence to lose, but believe you me, Jack Morrison was my worst date ever. And I’ve been on a lot of bad dates. Trust me when I say that that was the longest ten hours and 33 minutes of my life. I never wanted to see or speak to him again. But it turns out you don’t always get what you want in life, because Jack showed up the very next day at a family gathering I was attending as a fake plus one. As you can imagine that was a real pickle, Jack wanted to know why I went on a date with him when I’m dating someone else. But he can’t know the whole complicated truth of the matter. I’m in a fake relationship and now I’m being blackmailed by the worst date ever. That’s not even the worst part. I decided to log onto this new app called “confession board” to seek some advice, but it turns out Jack Morrison is absolutely everywhere and he’s not going to leave me alone until I submit to his demands.
Author | : Colleen Hoover |
Publisher | : Simon and Schuster |
Total Pages | : 384 |
Release | : 2014-03-18 |
Genre | : Fiction |
ISBN | : 1476753164 |
When she discovers that her boyfriend is cheating on her, Sydney, a 22-year-old college student, must decide what to do next, especially when she becomes captivated by her mysterious neighbor Ridge.
Author | : Adam Carolla |
Publisher | : Crown |
Total Pages | : 274 |
Release | : 2011-05-17 |
Genre | : Humor |
ISBN | : 0307717380 |
A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II. It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.
Author | : Ruth Reichl |
Publisher | : Random House |
Total Pages | : 322 |
Release | : 2010-05-25 |
Genre | : Biography & Autobiography |
ISBN | : 0679604200 |
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “An absolute delight to read . . . How lucky we are that [Ruth Reichl] had the courage to follow her appetite.”—Newsday At an early age, Ruth Reichl discovered that “food could be a way of making sense of the world. If you watched people as they ate, you could find out who they were.” Her deliciously crafted memoir Tender at the Bone is the story of a life defined, determined, and enhanced in equal measure by a passion for food, by unforgettable people, and by the love of tales well told. Beginning with her mother, the notorious food-poisoner known as the Queen of Mold, Reichl introduces us to the fascinating characters who shaped her world and tastes, from the gourmand Monsieur du Croix, who served Reichl her first foie gras, to those at her politically correct table in Berkeley who championed the organic food revolution in the 1970s. Spiced with Reichl’s infectious humor and sprinkled with her favorite recipes, Tender at the Bone is a witty and compelling chronicle of a culinary sensualist’s coming-of-age. BONUS: This edition includes an excerpt from Ruth Reichl's Delicious! Praise for Tender at the Bone “A poignant, yet hilarious, collection of stories about people [Reichl] has known and loved, and who, knowingly or unknowingly, steered her on the path to fulfill her destiny as one of the world’s leading food writers.”—Chicago Sun-Times “While all good food writers are humorous . . . few are so riotously, effortlessly entertaining as Ruth Reichl.”—The New York Times Book Review “Reading Ruth Reichl on food is almost as good as eating it. . . . Reichl makes the reader feel present with her, sharing the experience.”—Washington Post Book World “[In] this lovely memoir . . . we find young Ruth desperately trying to steer her manic mother's unwary guests toward something edible. It's a job she does now . . . in her columns, and whose intimate imperatives she illuminates in this graceful book.”—The New Yorker “A savory memoir of [Reichl’s] apprentice years . . . Reichl describes [her] experiences with infectious humor. . . . The descriptions of each sublime taste are mouthwateringly precise. . . . A perfectly balanced stew of memories.”—Kirkus Reviews