The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank

The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Open Road Media
Total Pages: 199
Release: 2013-01-15
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 1453290060

The “marvelously funny” and much-loved humorist explores the perils of suburban living in this New York Times bestseller (Vogue). For years, the Bombecks have heard rumors of a magical land called Suburbia where the air is clean, the grass is trimmed, and children don’t risk getting mugged on their walk to school. After watching their friends flee the city for subdivided utopias like Bonaparte’s Retreat and Mortgage Mañana, Erma and her family load up their belongings and cry, “Station wagons . . . ho!” But life on the suburban frontier is not as perfect as they had hoped. The trees are stunted, the house is cramped, and there’s no grass at all. But the Bombecks will make do, for they are suburbanites now—the last true pioneers! This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author’s estate.

If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Open Road Media
Total Pages: 178
Release: 2013-01-15
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 1453290109

The hilarious #1 New York Times bestseller: Erma Bombeck’s take on marriage and family life is “fun from cover to cover” (Hartford Courant). Ever since she was a child, Er ma Bombeck has been an expert worrier, and married life has only honed that skill. She gets anxious about running out of ball bearings; about snakes sneaking in through the pipes; about making meaningful conversation on New Year’s Eve. Married life, she realizes, is an unpredictable saga even when you know exactly how loud your husband snores every night—and she wouldn’t have it any other way. In this crisp collection of essays, Bombeck shows off the irresistible style that made her one of America’s favorite humorists for more than three decades. When she sharpens her wit, no family member is sacred and no self-help fad is safe. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author’s estate.

Four of a Kind

Four of a Kind
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Galahad Books
Total Pages: 632
Release: 1996-10
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 9780883659595

The grass is always greener over the septic tank; If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?; Aunt Erma's cope book; Motherhood: the second oldest profession.

Aunt Erma's Cope Book

Aunt Erma's Cope Book
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Open Road Media
Total Pages: 183
Release: 2013-01-15
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 1453290079

The #1 New York Times bestseller about one woman’s doomed quest for self-improvement by a writer “blessed with the comic equivalent of perfect pitch” (The Boston Globe). As far as Erma can tell, her life is going well. Her children speak to her, her husband smiles at her, and she’s capable of looking in a mirror without screaming. But her friends know better. No matter how happy Erma thinks she is, she’s in need of help, and the only way to fulfillment is a ten-foot stack of self-improvement books. From Sensual Needlepoint to Fear of Buying, Erma will try them all. One book recommends bringing roleplay into the bedroom, so she dresses up in her son’s football pads. She tries to meditate but gets stuck in the lotus position. She spends more time in the kitchen but only succeeds in melting her son’s retainer. No matter how hard she tries to improve her family life, her schemes keep backfiring. As she soon learns, you may not always be able to fix what’s not broken—but with enough self-help books, you can break anything you want. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author’s estate.

At Wit's End

At Wit's End
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Fawcett
Total Pages: 225
Release: 2011-02-02
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 030777824X

"America's irrepressible doyenne of domestic satire." THE BOSTON GLOBE Madcap, bittersweet humor in classic Erma Bombeck-style. You'll laugh until it hurts and love it! "Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet, he's treading water. What do you mean you're a participle in the school play and you need a costume? Those rotten kids. If only they'd let me wake up in my own way. Why do they have to line up along my bed and stare at me like Moby Dick just washed up onto a beach somewhere?"

I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression

I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Fawcett
Total Pages: 194
Release: 2011-02-23
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 0307778258

A collection of mordantly hilarious and sharply-observed stories on motherhood from the bestselling author of Family—The Ties That Bind . . . And Gag! Erma Bombeck has learned a few things about children and family over the years—and in a way that is uniquely and wonderfully her own, she shares everything she knows with her readers. Whether it's cleaning up after the kids and him, or expendable mothers-in-law, Erma Bombeck gets to the heart of the matter and makes us laugh through our tears. Praise for I Lost Everything in the Post-Natal Depression “A truly wise and funny woman; a laugh-till-you-cry book.”—Library Journal “The smiles never stop until the last chapter ends with a poignant insight into growing up and being a parent.”—The Abilene Reporter-News

Forever, Erma

Forever, Erma
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Open Road Media
Total Pages: 427
Release: 2013-01-15
Genre: Humor
ISBN: 1453290095

New York Times Bestseller: This anthology of Erma Bombeck’s most memorable and humorous essays is a tribute to one of America’s sharpest wits. When she began writing her regular newspaper column in 1965, Erma Bombeck’s goal was to make housewives laugh. Thirty years later, she had published more than four thousand columns, and earned countless laughs—from housewives, presidents, and everyone in between. With grace, good humor, and razor-sharp prose, she gently skewered every aspect of the American family. This collection holds the best of her columns—not just her famous quips, but also the heartbreaking observations that gave her writing such weight. In 1969, Erma wrote: “screaming kids, unpaid bills, green leftovers, husbands behind newspapers, basketballs in the bathroom. They’re real . . . they’re warm . . . they’re the only bit of normalcy left in this cockeyed world, and I’m going to cling to it like life itself.” With what Publishers Weekly calls her “infectious sense of human absurdity,” Erma Bombeck’s writing remains a timeless examination of the still-cockeyed world. This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erma Bombeck including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author’s estate.

The Grammar Bible

The Grammar Bible
Author: Michael Strumpf
Publisher: Macmillan
Total Pages: 516
Release: 2004-07-15
Genre: Language Arts & Disciplines
ISBN: 9780805075601

For more than a quarter of a century, as the creator and proprietor of the National Grammar Hot Line, Michael Strumpf helped thousands of callers from every corner of the globe tackle the thorniest issues of English grammar. In The Grammar Bible, he answers the most common, the most insightful, and the funniest questions asked of him by students, editors, lawyers, doctors, and writers of all stripes. Professor Strumpf's unique question-and-answer sections follow concise but thorough explanations of the various elements of good grammar, from parts of speech to types of sentences; together, they comprise the ideal primer on speech and writing, showing readers how to express themselves more impressively. Whether you need a comprehensive review of the subjunctive mood or simply want to know which form of a verb to use, The Grammar Bible is a practical handbook that will enlighten, educate, and entertain you.

In Search of Greener Grass

In Search of Greener Grass
Author: Graham Field
Publisher: Troubador Publishing Ltd
Total Pages: 417
Release: 2012
Genre: Travel
ISBN: 178088088X

From backpack to bicycle and now on a motorcycle, but still on a budget, the author, a compulsive traveller, embarks on a journey East from England with Mongolian intentions. In possession of a good sense of direction, a vague sense of balance and no sense of proportion; this particular trip is financed by modest winnings from an uncharacteristic appearance on a TV game show. Riding a bargain eBay purchase Kawasaki KLR 650 and travelling solo into places beyond the guide book. A daily diary of achievements and mistakes incurred in a transient lifestyle, with mixed emotions from overawed to just plain bored, and making the best of decisions made while trying not to reflect on the alternatives. This is a refreshingly honest, thought provoking, humorous and informative account based on a lifetime of first hand encounters, anecdotes, wisdom and occasional alcohol induced inspiration. Offering an unavoidable wealth of experience which takes the reader with him, as the journey twists and turns on the road which the author hopes will lead him to greener grass.

All I Know about Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room

All I Know about Animal Behavior I Learned in Loehmann's Dressing Room
Author: Erma Bombeck
Publisher: Harpercollins
Total Pages: 207
Release: 1995
Genre: Animal behavior
ISBN: 9780060177881

Identifying the likenesses between animals in the wild and human beings, another humorous reflection of the ridiculous side of life pokes fun at nutrition, talk shows, childbirth, and more. 500,000 first printing. $300,000 ad/promo.