Following in the fted footsteps of Heidegger and Nietzsche - Jacques Derrida set out to complete the process of 'deconstructing' Western metaphysics. But something remarkable happened on the way to dismantling the Forum! As if by grand design, Derrida's deconstruction of Western metaphysics morphed into the ultimate justification for the apophatic (negative) theology that undergirds Western metaphysics! In reaction to this inadvertent justification of negative theology, Derrida embarked on a decade long confrontation with negative theology. Most objective observers of the confrontation would be hard pressed not to feel that rather than deconstruction 'deconstructing' apophatic theology, instead, and quite irreverently, apophatic theology appears to have absorbed and incorporated the vocabulary of Derrida's deconstruction into the very language it uses to justify its presuppositions. Having more than staved off the attack by Derrida's deconstruction, it may now be time to turn the sword in the opposite direction. If deconstruction is easily absorbed into the apophatic behemoth supporting Western metaphysics, what would happen if Western metaphysics applied deconstruction to the modern scientific materialism which acts as the cornerstone of the worldview setting itself in opposition to Western metaphysics? Tautological Oxymorons is an attempt to deconstruct the language and logic used to present scientific materialism as though it were a viable alternative to pre-Enlightenment theology, philosophy, and mythology. By examining modern scientific materialism in the light of language (and proper language use) we can see that much that's taken for granted as 'obvious' and a mere 'given' (within the context of scientific materialism) is rather (when carefully examined in the context of precise language usage) nothing more than sheer unadulterated absurdity!