With return tickets to Bangkok, a change of clothing and accommodation booked for the first night (or so we thought!), two intrepid, middle-aged, would-be backpackers boarded the plane… With six weeks to spare, a couple of guidebooks and a craving for an adventure, we… …travelled Thailand by boats, trains, planes, motorcycles, jeeps, buses, elephants and Shank’s pony… … slept in tribal village huts, guesthouses, a hospital ward, the jeep, and found a home-away–from-home in a bamboo beach hut on the Andaman Coast… …had close encounters with elephants, monkeys, snakes, birds, crocodiles and spiders, but missed the egg-laying turtle and the small furry thing that feasted on our fruit… …met a diversity of people: the masked conductor; Long Neck women; Big Eared woman; tribal village chiefs; Mr. Happy; Terrible Tony; Dr. Doom; Supa the Silent One; the King President’s nutter and Evan the hungry monk… …having had our fill of waterfalls, temples, caves and mountains, and overdosed on a surfeit of greenery, I fell in love with potbelly bins… …Graham burnt in the sea; we sweated in the cities, froze in the mountains and survived a frenzied attack by giant hailstones… … boiled eggs in the hot springs; ate dinner cooked by the opium-smoking village chief; dined on the beach; grazed from night markets and roadside stalls, and forgot all about sandwiches… …discovered that Thailand is where distance means time; tea means anything from boiled up tree bark to chocolate-flavoured coffee; where anything we ordered meant chicken fried rice, and where ‘yes’ means ‘yes’, ‘no’, ‘I don’t know’, or anything else in between!.. …from the beaches to the mountainous jungle regions; from the Himalayas to the mighty Mekhong River, we had an adventure almost every day… …saw a profusion of golden spires; gleaming white marble; smoky incense; dragons; Buddhas of every size, in gold, emerald, stone and plaster, and came across monks where we least expected them… old monks, boy monks, tall monks, short monks, Here a Monk, There a Monk... and I never, ever, touched a monk!