Love and Pain and The Play-Function of Sex

Love and Pain and The Play-Function of Sex
Author: Havelock Ellis
Publisher: Library of Alexandria
Total Pages: 221
Release: 2020-09-28
Genre: Fiction
ISBN: 1465606904

The relation of love to pain is one of the most difficult problems, and yet one of the most fundamental, in the whole range of sexual psychology. Why is it that love inflicts, and even seeks to inflict, pain? Why is it that love suffers pain, and even seeks to suffer it? In answering that question, it seems to me, we have to take an apparently circuitous route, sometimes going beyond the ostensible limits of sex altogether; but if we can succeed in answering it we shall have come very near one of the great mysteries of love. At the same time we shall have made clear the normal basis on which rest the extreme aberrations of love. The chief key to the relationship of love to pain is to be found by returning to the consideration of the essential phenomena of courtship in the animal world generally. Courtship is a play, a game; even its combats are often, to a large extent, mock-combats; but the process behind it is one of terrible earnestness, and the play may at any moment become deadly. Courtship tends to involve a mock-combat between males for the possession of the female which may at any time become a real combat; it is a pursuit of the female by the male which may at any time become a kind of persecution; so that, as Colin Scott remarks, "Courting may be looked upon as a refined and delicate form of combat." The note of courtship, more especially among mammals, is very easily forced, and as soon as we force it we reach pain. The intimate and inevitable association in the animal world of combat--of the fighting and hunting impulses--with the process of courtship alone suffices to bring love into close connection with pain. Among mammals the male wins the female very largely by the display of force. The infliction of pain must inevitably be a frequent indirect result of the exertion of power. It is even more than this; the infliction of pain by the male on the female may itself be a gratification of the impulse to exert force. This tendency has always to be held in check, for it is of the essence of courtship that the male should win the female, and she can only be won by the promise of pleasure. The tendency of the male to inflict pain must be restrained, so far as the female is concerned, by the consideration of what is pleasing to her. Yet, the more carefully we study the essential elements of courtship, the clearer it becomes that, playful as these manifestations may seem on the surface, in every direction they are verging on pain. It is so among animals generally; it is so in man among savages. "It is precisely the alliance of pleasure and pain," wrote the physiologist Burdach, "which constitutes the voluptuous emotion." Nor is this emotional attitude entirely confined to the male. The female also in courtship delights to arouse to the highest degree in the male the desire for her favors and to withhold those favors from him, thus finding on her part also the enjoyment of power in cruelty. "One's cruelty is one's power," Millament says in Congreve's Way of the World, "and when one parts with one's cruelty one parts with one's power."

Little Essays of Love and Virtue

Little Essays of Love and Virtue
Author: Havelock Ellis
Publisher: DigiCat
Total Pages: 115
Release: 2022-09-16
Genre: Fiction
ISBN:

DigiCat Publishing presents to you this special edition of "Little Essays of Love and Virtue" by Havelock Ellis. DigiCat Publishing considers every written word to be a legacy of humankind. Every DigiCat book has been carefully reproduced for republishing in a new modern format. The books are available in print, as well as ebooks. DigiCat hopes you will treat this work with the acknowledgment and passion it deserves as a classic of world literature.

A Global History of Sexual Science, 1880–1960

A Global History of Sexual Science, 1880–1960
Author: Veronika Fuechtner
Publisher: Univ of California Press
Total Pages: 492
Release: 2018
Genre: History
ISBN: 0520293371

Sex has no history, but sexual science does. Starting in the late nineteenth century, scholars and activists all over the world suddenly began to insist that understandings of sex be based on science. As Japanese and Indian sexologists influenced their German, British and American counterparts, and vice versa, sexuality, modernity, and imaginings of exotified “Others” became intimately linked. The first anthology to provide a worldwide perspective on the birth and development of the field, A Global History of Sexual Science contends that actors outside of Europe—in Asia, Latin America, and Africa—became important interlocutors in debates on prostitution, birth control or transvestitism. Ideas circulated through intellectual exchange, travel, and internationally produced and disseminated publications. Twenty scholars tackle specific issues, including the female orgasm and the criminalization of male homosexuality, to demonstrate how concepts and ideas introduced by sexual scientists gained currency throughout the modern world.

Sex, Love, and Mental Illness

Sex, Love, and Mental Illness
Author: Stephanie J. Buehler
Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing USA
Total Pages: 160
Release: 2011-01-14
Genre: Psychology
ISBN: 0313386870

A sex manual like no other, this book covers a variety of mental health problems and offers ways to overcome them when they threaten to undermine a loving relationship. Until now, the marketplace has offered little valuable information for couples in which one or both partners suffers from mental illness with resulting sexual problems. Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couple's Guide to Staying Connected is for all of those couples. It will help both parties understand the effects of mental illness—and of the medications used to treat it—on sexual desire and performance and provide ways to maintain both physical and emotional intimacy. The first section of the book centers on common sexual concerns and loving someone with a mental disorder. The second addresses a wide range of mental disorders, their effects on relationships, and ways couples can work together to overcome those effects. Among the conditions covered are mood disorders; anxiety disorders; chronic pain; eating disorders; substance-related disorders; post traumatic stress; ADD; Asperger's Syndrome; and even severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia. The emphasis throughout is on each partner developing empathy and communication skills to enhance the sexual experience and preserve a healthy relationship.

Dangerous Sexualities

Dangerous Sexualities
Author: Frank Mort
Publisher: Routledge
Total Pages: 304
Release: 2002-09-11
Genre: History
ISBN: 113470514X

Dangerous Sexualities takes a look at how our ideas of health and disease are linked to moral and immoral notions of sex. Beginning in the 1830s, Frank Mort relates his social historical narratives to the sexual choices and possibilities facing us now. This long-awaited second edition has been thoroughly updated to include new discussions of eugenics, race hygiene and social imperialism in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. With a new and extended bibliography, introduction and illustrations, this second edition brings a classic into the 21st Century.

The Pursuit of Serenity

The Pursuit of Serenity
Author: Chris Nottingham
Publisher: Amsterdam University Press
Total Pages: 286
Release: 1999
Genre: Social Science
ISBN: 9789053563861

Havelock Ellis' reputation has been in free fall since his death in 1939. Though still acknowledged as a pioneer in the study of human sexuality, he now evokes hostility from those he would have considered his natural heirs. Feminist authors have been particularly critical, identifying him as the kind of friend women would have done well to ignore. While there is no need to put Ellis back on his pedestal, it is clear that recent interpretations underestimate his significance for progressive politics on both sides of the Atlantic. This book examines the many areas to which he contributed (preventive medicine, progressive penology, internationalism, the championing of Ibsen and Nietzsche, as well as feminism and human sexuality) and argues that the vision unifying his endeavors was rooted in the radical generational movement which swept through London in the late nineteenth century. This approach offers both appreciation of Ellis and a richer, more realistic view of the progressive tradition itself.

Havelock Ellis: Philosopher of Sex

Havelock Ellis: Philosopher of Sex
Author: Vincent Brome
Publisher: Taylor & Francis
Total Pages: 198
Release: 2023-02-03
Genre: Philosophy
ISBN: 1000880354

First published in 1979, Havelock Ellis is a biography of the philosopher of sex. Havelock Ellis trained first as a doctor but soon broke out of conventional medicine to shock Victorian England with his encyclopaedic seven-volume work, Studies in the Psychology of Sex. One of the last representatives of the days when man could attempt to embrace a universal view, he wrote more than fifty books covering such diverse subjects as medicine, eugenics, love, literature, criminal law, and above all, sex. These were strewn with findings on many major problems which still trouble us today and some of his solutions remain highly contemporary. His influence permeated many areas of social thinking, and his works played a considerable part in changing attitudes towards homosexuality, the relation between the sexes and sexual patterns of behaviour. The present biography re-assesses the main themes of Ellis’ work and throws new light on many aspects of his life from a wide variety of published and unpublished sources. It also provides a new account of his relationship with Freud from unpublished sources and an evaluation of their inter-related work. This book will be of interest to students of philosophy and psychology.

Coming Home to Passion

Coming Home to Passion
Author: Ruth Cohn
Publisher: Praeger
Total Pages: 0
Release: 2011-02-18
Genre: Psychology
ISBN: 0313392129

This book offers a detailed road map for overcoming sexual and relationship impasses originating from painful childhood experiences. Large numbers of adults with histories of childhood trauma and neglect suffer persistent relationship and sexual difficulties. Unfortunately, most have failed to receive adequate help with emerging from these deep and complex problems. Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect explores the enduring impacts—physiological, psychological, and behavioral—of childhood trauma and neglect. Author Ruth Cohn, drawing on 25 years of experience working with trauma survivors and their partners and families, lays out a practical and actionable course for recovery in clear, accessible language. This book provides direction and hope to those with trauma backgrounds while also serving as a unique resource for professional readers. Integrating in-depth information on attachment and relationship, trauma and neglect, and sexuality, Cohn details a practical, hands-on treatment approach for revitalizing love, health, and passion.