A practical, laugh-out-loud guide to adopting your man's family—from your first date to your firstborn Girlfriends, fiancées, and wives rejoice! Here, at last, is a book you can turn to in times of stress, panic, and family vacations to the smallest cottage ever built on the island of Nantucket. Mirroring the natural progression of a relationship and incorporating interviews from women just like you, this hilarious, savvy guide will help you survive your first meeting with future in-laws, from the holidays, weddings, and new babies, to the day they retire to the house next door because "it's a great real estate investment." Discover a wide array of sanity-retention techniques and tips on scoring major points with each and every in-law. Learn how to sweet-talk his sister, mollify his mother, and defuse potentially explosive situations—like when your pumpkin pie gives Nana a bad case of hives. Stories range from the tragic "my father-in-law just pinched my ass and not in that sportsmanship kind of way," to the triumphant "I'm now CEO of my grandfather-in-law's cement company—Thanks Pupup!" Offering handy translation charts with curse words in Persian and compliments in Cantonese, a list of gifts and how to interpret their hidden meaning, tips for reclaiming the holidays one Bastille Day at a time, and your very own set of Mother-in-Law MadLibs, I Heart My In-laws embodies the old saying, "It's funny because it's true."